Denise-ism #95
The phone rings. Denise picks it up.
“Hello? Yes. Yes, I support MoveOn.org. What? Yep! I’ve got my MoveOn dot shirt on right now!”
overheard
Denise-ism #62
Last night Denise was speaking to my Blogs to Wikis class about the legal implications of social software. She was going over exceptions to the 1st Amendment and was discussing obscenity and child pornography.
“Child pornography is a completely different animal altogether. Especially if you’re using animals.”
Robin-ism #6
Scott: Pronounce this word: A – G – I – N – C – O – U – R – T.
Robin: Why?
Scott: I just want to hear you pronounce it.
Robin: Welllll … I would pronounce it the way it’s spelled: Again-kort.
Scott: (starts laughing & snickering) Haha!
Robin: I *knew* that would send you into proxyisms of laughter!
Scott: (snickering even more) Proxyisms! Ahahahahahaha!
Denise-ism #601
Denise is talking to our class about how people are slowly giving up their civil liberties, a bit at a time: “It’s like the story about how you gradually turn the heat up on a pot of water and slowly boil the lobster!”
(Hint: she meant frog.)
Conversation with Robert
So a bunch of us are talking at the Central West End Linux User Group meeting. Somehow the topic of surgery during World War I comes up.
Robert: What was really bad was that those guys were operated on without any anaesthetic.
Me: Huh? Doctors had anaesthetic then.
Robert: They did? What?
Me: Ether.
Robert: Huh. How’d they deliver it?
Me: Ether bunnies!
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Best headline ever
From Entertainment News, 21 March 2004:
“Zombies Push Jesus from Top of North American Box Office”
(About Dawn of the Dead and The Passion of the Christ)
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Great email sig about operating systems
Saw this in an email sig:
Microsoft: Where do you want to go today?
Mac OS X: Where do you want to go tomorrow?
Linux: Are you coming or what?
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Best Denise quote ever
We went to see Troy last week. At the end of the movie, the Trojans drag the Trojan Horse into the city. They party, celebrating what they think is the abandonment of the war by the Greeks, and everyone collapses into a drunken stupor. Cut to the waiting Greek ships, hidden a few miles away, just waiting for the signal. Later that night, the sides of the horse slowly open, and out clamor the Greeks who were hidden inside.
DENISE (sincerely): Oooh … I knew that was going to happen!
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Overheard at home, 20031110
Joe (my cousin from England): I just read somewhere that the average house in Missouri has 65 brown recluse spiders in it.
Mom: Really? I wonder why we never see them if there’s so many?
Scott: Hel-loo?! Because they’re re-clu-sive! They’re not called “brown friendlies”!
Overheard at home, 20031110 Read More »
Pickup truck commercial
We’re hanging out with Barry and Hilde, & the subject turns to pickup truck commercials.
Me: Here’s the voiceover: “If I have to choose between my truck and my woman …”
Hilde: You’d better choose right.
Barry: You’d better choose your dog. (pause) Dodge Ram Charger.
Pickup truck commercial Read More »
Jans on vagueness
Jans & I work in the same room, about 8 feet apart, with our backs to each other.
Jans: What the heck is that?
Me: What is “that”? What do you mean by “that”?
(A couple of hours pass …)
Jans: Huh. Where is it? Do you know where it is?
Me: What do you mean by “it”? I have no idea.
(A couple of hours pass …)
Jans: Take a look at this!
Me: What is “this”? “That”? “It”? Why are all of your antecedents unclear? Huh?
(Pause)
Jans: Oh, go fuck something!
Scottism #43
Me (talking to myself): Where did I put that sweater?
Me (talking to myself, but in a different voice): Oh, there it is.
Denise: What was that?
Me: I talk to myself in different voices so it’s more like a conversation.
Denise-ism #49
Denise is reading Ben Jones’ blog & laughing uproariously every minute or so. Then she finds a post that really kills her.
Denise (laughing): Listen to this one: “People make fun of the fact that I wear a Speedo when I swim.”
Scott: Like you are now.
Denise (outraged): I’m not wearing a speedo!
Denise-ism #65
I start playing Norah Jones.
Denise: I really like this music.
Scott: You say that every time I play it.
Denise: And you say that every time back to me.
Scott: Well, somebody’s stuck in a loop, and I don’t think it’s me.
The strictest of teachers
From Nat Friedman:
For twelve months in 1998 and 1999, I went through this phase of trying to “diversify my interests,” and signed up to take piano lessons. My teacher’s name was Peter, this rigid Eastern European math major who instructed piano to idiots like me on the side. In our first lesson, I was showing off that I knew a few notes of Fur Elise, when he abruptly interrupted, shouting: “What? Beethoven? Do not try to express what you cannot understand!”
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Great story about Shaw
George Bernard Shaw supposedly asked a woman if she would sleep with him for a million pounds. Her demure response was “Certainly.” But when he asked her if she would sleep with him for 10 pounds, her response was “Sir, what do you think I am?”, to which Shaw retorted “Madam, we’ve already determined what you are. Now we’re just haggling over the price.”
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She’s a poet and don’t know it
So I’m listening to Car Talk on NPR, hosted by Tom and Ray, AKA Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers, and this woman calls in, and she says this:
Well hello, Click and Clack,
My name’s Mary Mack,
And I’m from Portland, Oregon.
And I thought, my God, but that scans really well. Try it — her meter really flows well. Very impressive.
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Jans clarifies it for us
Back in November 2002, a bunch of us went camping in a cabin in the woods. Around midnight, we were sitting around the fire, talking. The subject of crime came up, specifically the statute of limitations.
Scott: I think the statute of limitations doesn’t apply only in cases of murder and rape.
Denise: That’s right.
Scott: What about terrorism? Is there no statute of limitations on that?
Paul: Well, usually terrorism includes murder.
Jans: If there’s no murder, then it’s just scaryism.
Jans clarifies it for us Read More »