Ramblings & ephemera

Shelby Foote on how Faulkner one-upped Clark Gable

From Carter Coleman, Donald Faulkner, & William Kennedy’s interview of Shelby Foote in “The Art of Fiction No. 158” (The Paris Review: Summer 1999, No. 151): You’ve heard that thing about Faulkner and Clark Gable haven’t you? Howard Hawks was taking Faulkner out on a quail shoot and came by to pick him up a […]

Intelligent Design? How about a flat earth?

From Steven Weinberg’s “Without God” (The New York Review of Books: 25 September 2008): Contradictions between scripture and scientific knowledge have occurred again and again, and have generally been accommodated by the more enlightened among the religious. For instance, there are verses in both the Old and New Testament that seem to show that the […]

Ted Williams’ fishing story

From Richard Ben Cramer’s “What Do You Think of Ted Williams Now?” (Esquire: June 1986): Few men try for best ever, and Ted Williams is one of those. There’s a story about him I think of now. This is not about baseball but fishing. He meant to be the best there, too. One day he […]

Denise-ism #95

The phone rings. Denise picks it up. “Hello? Yes. Yes, I support MoveOn.org. What? Yep! I’ve got my MoveOn dot shirt on right now!”

Denise-ism #62

Last night Denise was speaking to my Blogs to Wikis class about the legal implications of social software. She was going over exceptions to the 1st Amendment and was discussing obscenity and child pornography. “Child pornography is a completely different animal altogether. Especially if you’re using animals.”

Robin-ism #6

Scott: Pronounce this word: A – G – I – N – C – O – U – R – T. Robin: Why? Scott: I just want to hear you pronounce it. Robin: Welllll … I would pronounce it the way it’s spelled: Again-kort. Scott: (starts laughing & snickering) Haha! Robin: I *knew* that would […]

Denise-ism #601

Denise is talking to our class about how people are slowly giving up their civil liberties, a bit at a time: “It’s like the story about how you gradually turn the heat up on a pot of water and slowly boil the lobster!” (Hint: she meant frog.)

Scott-words #17

“You’ve been hoist by your own retard.”

Denise-ism #37

Denise & I are in the car, talking about her friend Scott E., when her cell phone rings. It’s Scott E.! Denise: “Scott! We were just talking about you! Your ears must have been ringing!”

My new business idea

A coffee shop where the employees all wear platform shoes, glitter make-up, orange spiked hair, feathers, and silver spaceman pants. It’s name: ZIGGY STARBUCKS! My friend Michael Krider made the following suggestions: Drink names: The Cafe Young Americano Caffeine Genie Sumatra-jet City When employees hand your money back after a sale, they say, “Here’s your […]

Conversation with Robert

So a bunch of us are talking at the Central West End Linux User Group meeting. Somehow the topic of surgery during World War I comes up. Robert: What was really bad was that those guys were operated on without any anaesthetic. Me: Huh? Doctors had anaesthetic then. Robert: They did? What? Me: Ether. Robert: […]

Somehow I don’t think she had

From Timothy Noah’s “Bush’s Fart-Joke Legacy” (Slate: 2 October 2006): Legend has it that Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford, once farted in the presence of Queen Elizabeth I, whereupon he went into exile for seven years. On his return, the queen reputedly greeted, “My lord, we had quite forgot the fart.”

Best comment I’ve seen on New York Minute, the Olsen twins movie

From Roger Ebert: “Because the movie all takes place during one day and Roxy is being chased by a truant officer, it compares itself to “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” It might as reasonably compare itself to “The Third Man” because they wade through sewers.”

Best Denise quote ever

We went to see Troy last week. At the end of the movie, the Trojans drag the Trojan Horse into the city. They party, celebrating what they think is the abandonment of the war by the Greeks, and everyone collapses into a drunken stupor. Cut to the waiting Greek ships, hidden a few miles away, […]

What can we learn from Scooby-Doo?

From Chris Suellentrop’s “Scooby-Doo: Hey, dog! How do you do the voodoo that you do so well?” (Slate: 26 March 2004): The Washington Post‘s Hank Stuever concisely elucidated the “Scooby worldview” when the first live-action movie came out: “Kids should meddle, dogs are sweet, life is groovy, and if something scares you, you should confront […]

Quote by me

“When nature calls, I answer on the first ring.” — Scott Granneman

‘Thomas Crown Affair! Thomas Crown Affair!’

From Improv Everywhere’s “Missions: Best Buy” (23 April 2006): Agent Slavinsky wrote in to suggest I get either a large group of people in blue polo shirts and khakis to enter a Best Buy or a group in red polo shirts and khakis to enter a Target. Wearing clothing almost identical to the store’s uniform, […]

Fouche’s blackmail of Napoleon

From Napoleonic Literature’s “The Court and Camp of Buonaparte: The Ministers: Fouche“: [Fouche,] who was so profoundly versed in the state of parties, — who was obeyed by one, courted by another, and feared by all; who, by means of his countless agents, could at any time congregate the scattered elements of resistance to the […]

Friendster doesn’t get security

From Annalee Newitz’s Cracking the Code to Romance (Wired: June 2004): Moore’s buddy Matt Chisholm chimes in to tell me about a similar hack, a JavaScript app he wrote with Moore that works on Friendster. It mines for information about anyone who looks at his profile and clicks through to his Web site. “I get […]

Lawyers playing childish games

From Adam Liptak’s “Lawyers Won’t End Squabble, So Judge Turns to Child’s Play” (The New York Times: 9 June 2006): Fed up with the inability of two lawyers to agree on a trivial issue in an insurance lawsuit, a federal judge in Florida this week ordered them to “convene at a neutral site” and “engage […]