Denise-ism #95
The phone rings. Denise picks it up.
“Hello? Yes. Yes, I support MoveOn.org. What? Yep! I’ve got my MoveOn dot shirt on right now!”
overheard
Denise-ism #62
Last night Denise was speaking to my Blogs to Wikis class about the legal implications of social software. She was going over exceptions to the 1st Amendment and was discussing obscenity and child pornography.
“Child pornography is a completely different animal altogether. Especially if you’re using animals.”
Robin-ism #6
Scott: Pronounce this word: A – G – I – N – C – O – U – R – T.
Robin: Why?
Scott: I just want to hear you pronounce it.
Robin: Welllll … I would pronounce it the way it’s spelled: Again-kort.
Scott: (starts laughing & snickering) Haha!
Robin: I *knew* that would send you into proxyisms of laughter!
Scott: (snickering even more) Proxyisms! Ahahahahahaha!
Denise-ism #601
Denise is talking to our class about how people are slowly giving up their civil liberties, a bit at a time: “It’s like the story about how you gradually turn the heat up on a pot of water and slowly boil the lobster!”
(Hint: she meant frog.)
Denise-ism #37
Denise & I are in the car, talking about her friend Scott E., when her cell phone rings. It’s Scott E.!
Denise: “Scott! We were just talking about you! Your ears must have been ringing!”
2 New TV Interviews, Both on Cell Phones
I was interviewed twice in the last couple of months by two local TV news channels, both times on the same subject: the cool stuff that even ordinary cell phones can do nowadays. Google features prominently, as does Flickr, Wireless Amber Alerts, and Cellfire. Best of all, the later one has Libby, my dog, in it, which is a nice added bonus.
KMOV’s Cell Phone Secrets (23 May 2007)
Video available at http://www.granneman.com/presentations/interviews/kmov23may2007.htm
KSDK’s How To Get The Most Out Of Your Cell Phone (6 July 2007)
Video available at http://www.granneman.com/presentations/interviews/ksdk6july2007.htm
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Conversation with Robert
So a bunch of us are talking at the Central West End Linux User Group meeting. Somehow the topic of surgery during World War I comes up.
Robert: What was really bad was that those guys were operated on without any anaesthetic.
Me: Huh? Doctors had anaesthetic then.
Robert: They did? What?
Me: Ether.
Robert: Huh. How’d they deliver it?
Me: Ether bunnies!
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Best headline ever
From Entertainment News, 21 March 2004:
“Zombies Push Jesus from Top of North American Box Office”
(About Dawn of the Dead and The Passion of the Christ)
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Best Denise quote ever
We went to see Troy last week. At the end of the movie, the Trojans drag the Trojan Horse into the city. They party, celebrating what they think is the abandonment of the war by the Greeks, and everyone collapses into a drunken stupor. Cut to the waiting Greek ships, hidden a few miles away, just waiting for the signal. Later that night, the sides of the horse slowly open, and out clamor the Greeks who were hidden inside.
DENISE (sincerely): Oooh … I knew that was going to happen!
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Overheard at home, 20031110
Joe (my cousin from England): I just read somewhere that the average house in Missouri has 65 brown recluse spiders in it.
Mom: Really? I wonder why we never see them if there’s so many?
Scott: Hel-loo?! Because they’re re-clu-sive! They’re not called “brown friendlies”!
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One of the benefits of LASIK eye surgery
A few weeks ago I had my eyes fixed with LASIK eye surgery. So far I’ve been completely happy with the results – it works! In preparing for the surgery, you receive lots of printed materials to read, including a booklet titled “Patient Information”. Inside that booklet is an explanation of the surgery which contains one of the best sentences I’ve read in quite a while:
The corneal tissue has natural bonding qualities that allow effective healing without the use of stitches.
Well, gee, that’s good to know! I’d hate to have stitches in my eyeball!
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Pickup truck commercial
We’re hanging out with Barry and Hilde, & the subject turns to pickup truck commercials.
Me: Here’s the voiceover: “If I have to choose between my truck and my woman …”
Hilde: You’d better choose right.
Barry: You’d better choose your dog. (pause) Dodge Ram Charger.
Pickup truck commercial Read More »
To counterbalance that last one
From Ben Jones’s “Benblog“:
That is our challenge, unique in the cosmos, to know that our own brief existence is simply a moment in time, and to experience that breath in the universe with a smile, knowing that we will fade once again into the oneness, floating someday, cosmic dust in a snowflake, minerals floating the phloem, breathed ourselves in and out of the ever unfolding universe.
To counterbalance that last one Read More »
Greatest 1st sentence of any blog post, ever
From Ben Jones’s “Benblog“:
In thinking through my sadness about whether or not I alone can help stave off the destruction of humanity, as important as I feel it is to ensure we do not subject future generations to endless strife, I couldn’t help seeing the aged sadness in my eyes, facing the near futility of the task, and the personal sacrifices that entails, if nothing else than subjecting one’s conscience every day to the true misery of the world we’ve made, by our own choice.
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A historical ‘what if’
History is interesting. Do you know why Hitler had that little moustache? Because Charlie Chaplin had one. It’s true! He knew that Germans liked Charlie Chaplin, and he thought it would help them like him more, so he grew a moustache like Charlie Chaplin. Can you imagine how history would have changed if The Three Stooges would have been popular then? Who would have taken Hitler seriously if he’d decided to grow his hair like Larry? He never would have been elected Fuhrer with Larry hair!
A historical ‘what if’ Read More »
Jans on vagueness
Jans & I work in the same room, about 8 feet apart, with our backs to each other.
Jans: What the heck is that?
Me: What is “that”? What do you mean by “that”?
(A couple of hours pass …)
Jans: Huh. Where is it? Do you know where it is?
Me: What do you mean by “it”? I have no idea.
(A couple of hours pass …)
Jans: Take a look at this!
Me: What is “this”? “That”? “It”? Why are all of your antecedents unclear? Huh?
(Pause)
Jans: Oh, go fuck something!
Scottism #43
Me (talking to myself): Where did I put that sweater?
Me (talking to myself, but in a different voice): Oh, there it is.
Denise: What was that?
Me: I talk to myself in different voices so it’s more like a conversation.