GranneBlog » funny http://blog.granneman.com Ramblings & ephemera Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:31:07 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc Intelligent Design? How about a flat earth? http://blog.granneman.com/2009/04/18/intelligent-design-how-about-a-flat-earth/ http://blog.granneman.com/2009/04/18/intelligent-design-how-about-a-flat-earth/#comments Sun, 19 Apr 2009 05:05:05 +0000 Scott Granneman http://blog.granneman.com/?p=1283 From Steven Weinberg’s “Without God” (The New York Review of Books: 25 September 2008):

Contradictions between scripture and scientific knowledge have occurred again and again, and have generally been accommodated by the more enlightened among the religious. For instance, there are verses in both the Old and New Testament that seem to show that the earth is flat, and as noted by Copernicus (quoted by Galileo in the same letter to Christina) these verses led some early Church fathers like Lactantius to reject the Greek understanding that the earth is a sphere, but educated Christians long before the voyages of Columbus and Magellan had come to accept the spherical shape of the earth. Dante found the interior of the spherical earth a convenient place to store sinners.

What was briefly a serious issue in the early Church has today become a parody. The astrophysicist Adrian Melott of the University of Kansas, in a fight with zealots who wanted equal time for creationism in the Kansas public schools, founded an organization called FLAT (Families for Learning Accurate Theories). His society parodied creationists by demanding equal time for flat earth geography, arguing that children should be exposed to both sides of the controversy over the shape of the earth.

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2009/04/18/intelligent-design-how-about-a-flat-earth/feed/ 0 Ted Williams’ fishing story http://blog.granneman.com/2008/12/01/ted-williams-fishing-story/ http://blog.granneman.com/2008/12/01/ted-williams-fishing-story/#comments Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:04:10 +0000 Scott Granneman http://blog.granneman.com/?p=1065 From Richard Ben Cramer’s “What Do You Think of Ted Williams Now?” (Esquire: June 1986):

Few men try for best ever, and Ted Williams is one of those. There’s a story about him I think of now. This is not about baseball but fishing. He meant to be the best there, too. One day he says to a Boston writer: “Ain’t no one in heaven or earth ever knew more about fishing.”

“Sure there is,” says the scribe.

“Oh, yeah? Who?”

“Well, God made the fish.”

“Yeah, awright,” Ted says. “But you have to go pretty far back.”

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2008/12/01/ted-williams-fishing-story/feed/ 0 Denise-ism #95 http://blog.granneman.com/2008/10/28/denise-ism-95/ http://blog.granneman.com/2008/10/28/denise-ism-95/#comments Tue, 28 Oct 2008 20:17:14 +0000 Scott Granneman http://www.granneman.com/blog/?p=882 The phone rings. Denise picks it up.

“Hello? Yes. Yes, I support MoveOn.org. What? Yep! I’ve got my MoveOn dot shirt on right now!”

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2008/10/28/denise-ism-95/feed/ 0 Denise-ism #62 http://blog.granneman.com/2008/10/08/denise-ism-62/ http://blog.granneman.com/2008/10/08/denise-ism-62/#comments Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:10:29 +0000 Scott Granneman http://www.granneman.com/blog/?p=871 Last night Denise was speaking to my Blogs to Wikis class about the legal implications of social software. She was going over exceptions to the 1st Amendment and was discussing obscenity and child pornography.

“Child pornography is a completely different animal altogether. Especially if you’re using animals.”

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2008/10/08/denise-ism-62/feed/ 0 Robin-ism #6 http://blog.granneman.com/2008/06/08/robin-ism-6/ http://blog.granneman.com/2008/06/08/robin-ism-6/#comments Sun, 08 Jun 2008 20:42:33 +0000 Scott Granneman http://www.granneman.com/blog/?p=811 Scott: Pronounce this word: A – G – I – N – C – O – U – R – T.

Robin: Why?

Scott: I just want to hear you pronounce it.

Robin: Welllll … I would pronounce it the way it’s spelled: Again-kort.

Scott: (starts laughing & snickering) Haha!

Robin: I *knew* that would send you into proxyisms of laughter!

Scott: (snickering even more) Proxyisms! Ahahahahahaha!

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2008/06/08/robin-ism-6/feed/ 0 Denise-ism #601 http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/denise-ism-601/ http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/denise-ism-601/#comments Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:48:22 +0000 Scott Granneman http://www.granneman.com/blog/?p=804 Denise is talking to our class about how people are slowly giving up their civil liberties, a bit at a time: “It’s like the story about how you gradually turn the heat up on a pot of water and slowly boil the lobster!”

(Hint: she meant frog.)

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/denise-ism-601/feed/ 0 Scott-words #17 http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/scott-words-17/ http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/scott-words-17/#comments Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:12:10 +0000 Scott Granneman http://www.granneman.com/blog/?p=803 “You’ve been hoist by your own retard.”

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/scott-words-17/feed/ 0 Denise-ism #37 http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/denise-ism-37/ http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/denise-ism-37/#comments Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:52:02 +0000 Scott Granneman http://www.granneman.com/blog/?p=801 Denise & I are in the car, talking about her friend Scott E., when her cell phone rings. It’s Scott E.!

Denise: “Scott! We were just talking about you! Your ears must have been ringing!”

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2008/04/20/denise-ism-37/feed/ 0 My new business idea http://blog.granneman.com/2008/03/20/my-new-business-idea/ http://blog.granneman.com/2008/03/20/my-new-business-idea/#comments Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:46:27 +0000 Scott Granneman http://www.granneman.com/blog/2008/03/20/my-new-business-idea/ A coffee shop where the employees all wear platform shoes, glitter make-up, orange spiked hair, feathers, and silver spaceman pants.

It’s name:

ZIGGY STARBUCKS!

My friend Michael Krider made the following suggestions:

Drink names:

  • The Cafe Young Americano
  • Caffeine Genie
  • Sumatra-jet City

When employees hand your money back after a sale, they say, “Here’s your ch-ch-ch-change.”

]]> http://blog.granneman.com/2008/03/20/my-new-business-idea/feed/ 0 Conversation with Robert http://blog.granneman.com/2006/12/10/conversation-with-robert/ http://blog.granneman.com/2006/12/10/conversation-with-robert/#comments Mon, 11 Dec 2006 04:44:39 +0000 Scott Granneman http://www.granneman.com/blog/2006/12/10/conversation-with-robert/ So a bunch of us are talking at the Central West End Linux User Group meeting. Somehow the topic of surgery during World War I comes up.

Robert: What was really bad was that those guys were operated on without any anaesthetic.

Me: Huh? Doctors had anaesthetic then.

Robert: They did? What?

Me: Ether.

Robert: Huh. How’d they deliver it?

Me: Ether bunnies!

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